That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
