oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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