Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
