nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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