do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
