Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
