all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
