The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
