I can text with my tongue
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
