i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think my moral compass just broke
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
