i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
