Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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