WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
