Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
