i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
