After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
