I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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