Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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