he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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