his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
