One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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