well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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