finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
