Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
