I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I puked a lego.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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