Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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