So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
where am i from again
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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