ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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