if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
