We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
