his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
