the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
