my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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