he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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