see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
