my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
