Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
