i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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