Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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