even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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