Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
worst night to have a conscience
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
