Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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