actually, I'm a sock model
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
