The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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