I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
