There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
