it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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