That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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