I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
a search helicopter?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
