I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
